The big knives are in the drawer..

I am on my 7th strong drink, I can barely hold 5 pounds without grimacing and my ring and pinky finger are sitting straight out without me trying to even curl them at all. Right about now I am ready for cutting it off.

They always say women have higher thresholds for pain. Right about now I place this on about a 4 or 5 on my scale. I remember the pain and consequent shock of almost breaking my ankle. I remember surgery, I remember my elbow. It has been a long time since I have had this sort of consistent pain that just keeps building and seems neither tolerable nor managable.

I rarely ever cry and I am almost to that point. Fuck.