In the old days, my friends were nerds

So while packing up books, I came across an old notebook that at one time I evidently decided to chronicle all of the messages an old friend used to send me on my pager. Being a pager, this had to have been about 7 years ago or so. And yes, even 7 years ago, I was completely behind the times and did not own a cell phone. Because I am that cool.

The pages, in order received, over the weeks:

13:53 - Got vodka? A message from the national drunk association.

13:16 - Error 406 - Pager meltdown.If this error persists. submerge the pager in cold water for 4 minutes.

16:58 - Error: Please refill alcohol level. If the error persists pour vodka in the side of the pager device.

13:35 - Pager model - 23667186711 error - needs lovin. Store device in pocket with vibrate mode active.


13:12 - Just :) and putmore vodka on my circuits/

22:26 - Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. - Pager language: French.

14:44 - Error: Pager flatuence. Remove any constrictive accessories from this device.

22:01 - Got drunk association emergency. Call the director.

13:32 - Moo-mad pagers disease. Toss this device in garbage disposal.

10:59 - This is the all new and improved noodle beep! It's a pager and a tasty snack! Order now!

22:44 - Pager malfunction. Error: 19566452 occurred. Please moo at the pager so it believes it is a cow.

17:26 - The Smurf page feature has been turned on. You can Smurf it off again by Smurfing the Smurf button.

21:46 Fourth of July - Moo news: In the news today, there were numerous blasts in the downtown Garland area around 9:30 pm. Witnesses described them as colorful lights in the sky. At this time they are not determined to be acts of terrorism.

10:37 - Automatic pager deflection shield is now active.Device is now resistant to photon torpedoes. May cause side effects such as vomiting and hair loss.

12:32 - Moo - The error was errorfull.

09:45 - Error 15467552 - There was a pointless error.

19:38 - Error: Pager device has no sympathy for your callers. You may purchase this feature as an upgrade to your service. - Warning...may not contain all emotions. If you make the pager angry it may tell you to 'talk to the hand!'

19:50 - Error: the ATM pin that you entered was not yours. It belongs to Bill Gates. Please try account number 2940312254885456.

17:27 - Weather update: The National Weather Service has predicted that there is weather outside. Weather is a common occurrence in this city.

03:28 - Beep news: Due to a lack of corporate funds in our bank we were forced to hire monkeys to enter in the text from your pager voice messages. There may be some communication difficulties, however, we will be able to continue providing

03:32 - Hi friend! Banana. I like bananas. I have a tree where I used to live and I ate bananas. I have 3 bananas in my cubicle. I wonder if the guy next to me gets more bananas per hour than me?


13:56 - Hi I just (monkey) saw at Starbucks (monkey monkey) are you working today? (feed me bananas)

17:40 - Error: Due to network errors your pager no longer exists.

15:03 - News flash: A major accident today at the intersection of Main and First involving a Thunderbird and a Mustang. There was horseshit and feathers everywhere!