I wish I were more of a sociopath

Thoughts on the end of the night:

There are things I cannot explain out loud. My mind is my own. I cannot make things better, I cannot put into words where I am or what I expect for the future.

I am trying to lie in the bed I have made, please let it go at that. The world is right now very black and white, and nothing will change that aspect.

....

Do not force me, I will shut down to a place more distant than where I am normally. I repeat, my mind is my own, and I do not plan on sharing any bit of it.